I love it
its perfect for my situation right now so thanks

--
always leave me with a .......... SMILE

no thank you for the comment and fave i appreciate it

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[link] soldier4christ
[link] courtneyArt
[link] juny
[link] bigdaddydraws
[link] rhythmone

me's a poet dont you know it

welcome

--
always leave me with a .......... SMILE

The end seems a little staggering to me because it's such a change from the format in the previous lines. Good poem, though.

--
_{"I wake up to find it's another four-aspirin morning and I dive in. I put on the same clothes I wore yesterday; when did society decide that we have to change and wash a shirt after every individual use? If it's not dirty, I'm gonna wear it."}

thanks . im actually trying to figure out a way to change the ending and still have the same meaning but as of right now cant think of anything lol

--
[link] soldier4christ
[link] courtneyArt
[link] juny
[link] bigdaddydraws
[link] rhythmone

me's a poet dont you know it

So, my main problem with this one is the last two lines, they just don't feel right in the rhythm of the piece, but, judging by the comments already left, you know that.

That said, this poem is short, simple, and to the point. That seems to work well for you, and is a trait that is prominent in many good poets (brevity is the soul of wit, as Polonius said).

I don't know how this pair can be improved, but that may not be necessary once you revise those last two lines:

you love me and i love you too
you hate me now i hate you too

The repetition works in some pieces of writing, and in some it doesn't. Again, maybe once those last two lines are revised, it'll be fine (maybe make one of the last two a third version of this? "You cling to me, but I leave you?" But, hopefully something that portrays the message of the song better, and keeps better meter).

Also, that "now" in the second one breaks the repetition a bit. Maybe it could be an "and", if you think that works? It would also be able to reinforce the third instance I suggested (which you don't have to do, just a suggestion).

Please remember to take my critique with a grain of salt, though. Last time, you completely rewrote the piece, and I felt all guilty about the massive change -_-; It's your art, and you should only make big changes if you truly feel they're necessary.

--
A: "No, you idiot, you don't get it, it's satire!"
B: "What's a tire?"
C: "What's this about clothes?"
A: "..."

Well, perhaps you'll think of something. Good luck!

--
_{"I wake up to find it's another four-aspirin morning and I dive in. I put on the same clothes I wore yesterday; when did society decide that we have to change and wash a shirt after every individual use? If it's not dirty, I'm gonna wear it."}

cool thanks alot . i had a problem with you hate me now part to jsut dont know what exactly to put yet . still working on how to fix this thanks for your suggestion im sue they are gonna help alot .

--
[link] soldier4christ
[link] courtneyArt
[link] juny
[link] bigdaddydraws
[link] rhythmone

me's a poet dont you know it

A few possibilities I thought of. Mix and match if you like:

im tired and getting off this carousel

I'm getting off this carousel
I'll stop this killer carousel
You drain me and I leave you

around and around you can go by yourself

Away from you, I can be myself
Forward/onward and forward/onward I go.

If you don't, well, maybe these'll spark something.

I personally like the last options on both. Keeps the "chorus" of the song. That might be a little bias on my part, though. Again, whatever you feel works.

--
A: "No, you idiot, you don't get it, it's satire!"
B: "What's a tire?"
C: "What's this about clothes?"
A: "..."